I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize