So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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