Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
