I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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