i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize