he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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