booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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