im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize