he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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