it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
