Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
