Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
