I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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