I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize