you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I supernannyed him into submission
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
