I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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