So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
