you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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