No stitches, just platelets and will power
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
