dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
