every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
