fuck your aforementioned shoe
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
