my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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