Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
