my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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