how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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