Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Liz is crying about burritos again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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