i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
