i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize