i think my mom watched the whole time
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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