so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
