Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
