I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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