omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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