Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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