there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize