By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
