I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
