I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize