If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
