He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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