So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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