Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm really busy with my period
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