some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize