her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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