We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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