first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
