my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
