i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am midnight drunk by noon
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
