We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize