Duck Duck Cougar?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
