Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
