there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
