I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
