I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
