I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize