My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
