walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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