So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
