just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
