Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
