How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
