wakey wakey hands off snakey
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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