Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
