alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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