she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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