she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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