what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
