it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
