fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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