I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
