A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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