I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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