she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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