Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize