I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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