I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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