we made out on top of his cat.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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