At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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