i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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