Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
