she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
