Got a toothbrush?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
