Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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