We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
