I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
