well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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