Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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