I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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