Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We need to rekindle our bromance
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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