I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
