I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
