You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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