Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
