so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
