ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
