So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Terrible idea I love it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
