I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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