The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
