i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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