He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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