I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
