we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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