3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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