Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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