I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
