...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
