just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
