dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize