come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
