I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
